This is just…….too damn good to be true. 
It all makes sense to me now. Everything that happened to me in the past, especially from October 2005 until January of this year, all makes sense to me now… J I just feel so elated, I feel like I’m actually…dreaming. This is not just your kilig-ako-sa-crush-ko thing or I-think-I’m-inlove shenanigan but it’s something more deep, kasi maraming taong involved eh. I suggest that if you’re going through hell, yun nga, keep going, and ALONG THE WAY PICK UP THE NECESSARY THINGS YOU’LL NEED WHEN YOU GET OUT OF IT. I’ve actually picked up my silver belt, and I attempted to strangle myself to death when I was in hell. Believe me, I was that desperate to end my life because of the never-ending pressure that UNNECESSARY people give me. At the end of it all, you need those people in order for you to stand stronger. Sandpapers can scratch you and hurt you but after so many scratches, you’ll shine among the rest. If you are grieving right now, just let those emotions take you to places. What I mean is that, use that grief to write beautiful poems, paintings, dance “like nobody’s watching”, play violent sports such as boxing and release the pain, write, write, write, indulge, sing while you’re crying, pray silently, draw your grief, scream at the top of you lungs. These are a few of the million things that you can do if you’re grieving. I myself have done almost all these things and the biggest mistake I have ever done is to get that silver belt. I wouldn’t be experiencing this kind of ecstasy if haven’t gone through so much pain. Even the great artists like Da Vinci or Pablo Neruda wouldn’t be called great if they did not grieve a lot, or they did not pain too much. The words of Neruda are just ever so beautiful that it makes you cry. It actually nourishes your soul, it’s a music you can’t even begin to describe. “…I do not love her now, but how I loved her.” You see, hurting a lot may seem an eternal suffering, but at the end of it, you’ll see its beauty. Like me, after wanting to kill myself so bad that I actually choked myself to death, I applied all the things I have “picked up” in hell. I now learned how to negotiate with people; I know how to compliment them without being plastic (everyone has their own beauty to tell you honestly), I became kind to myself, I think I am now a person for others. These things I got from inferno, and what I did is that I left the silver belt, I left the irresponsible me, I left drugs somehow (though I’m not saying I’m totally quitting—it’s hard to tell from now). I think I am now a self-made person though I still need to prove a lot A LOT I TELL YOU. Life is a never-ending learning process. You go through one shit, then the next. Most of the time, when God gives you a problem, he’ll give it to you times ten or even twenty or even a hundred or even a thousand! That depends on how he thinks you can handle it. Last year, I felt I can no longer take my problems or rather trials anymore because he gave me two heavy serious if-you-fuck-up-you’re-dead jobs. My only option was to kill myself. I can’t talk properly, I lost my friends or rather, they lost me, I was lost. I hated God actually that time. But then, fast forward to February and until now, I still feel like I’m floating. Like I said, I never felt this elated before…J for how can you experience the good life if you did not come from the bad life? Where’s the sense in that? Even my misunderstanding with my closest friends makes sense to me now. I wouldn’t have written beautiful poems if I did not “lose” my favorite people on earth. When I “lost” them, I gained the world. Plus I got them back. Which made me feel more ecstatic.
So point being, don’t grieve on your grieving. Savor each moment of it. Make the most out of it. Hold a paintbrush while crying over your failed exam (how shallow), and I guarantee you, you’ll make the most beautiful painting in the whole wide YOUniverse. J
AMEN.
Currently feeling: HAPPIEST GIRL ALIVE
I enjoyed every single moment of your debut, there was never a dull moment I suwear to the heavens and hells! It was truly an unforgettable (double t ba?) event. Talagang nilabas ko na yung pagkabakya ko ko and pagkakapal ko ng mukha! This thick face has brought me places I tell you...Believe me.
